Re-everything

So, I took an IELTS test yesterday for work and scholarship purposes, and the stars seem to tell me that I did a whole lot better than last time. But I’m not really here to talk to you to sleep about the whole test, despite how my neck aches because of how the test center is seemingly incapable of purchasing better quality of those, desk chairs considering the amount of money we spent on the actual test! Ugh! Anyways…

Despite the years I spent buried in books, research and academic writing, tests like these still send my blood racing. It seems to point a sneaky finger at me, asking for validation of my love for words and how we’ve been acquainted over the years. So, the writing section has always been the biggest dread because the thing is, I have this tedious tendency to perfect every word and phrase to an extent of never being satisfied with my results.

I could almost say the same for how I’ve been feeling lately about my drive, or passion. That fire hasn’t been quite there, perhaps hiding under some rock. Simply put, my desire for creativity is stuck in limbo and I’ve been craving to ignite my body with that fire. I never expected that a simple test has completely turned things around and refreshed my sense of purpose. I didn’t expect to do as well as I did, or at least in my opinion because as I walked out of the test building, adrenaline flowed through my limbs as well my face muscles I was beaming from ear to ear.  I completely believe that a new year of possibilities and opportunities are right there within the grasp of my hand, but only if I move my butt and take brave and decisive steps forward.

Yes, there will challenges and drawbacks, but I’ll keep this drive alive, and to always slip curiosity up my sleeve and prayers between my lips. I believe that it’s never too late to start and I can’t wait to fight for whatever it is that will make me proud of myself and from my own effort because the truth is, you will never be able to please every person on earth. With the words of Paulo Coelho “If you live to please others, everyone will love you, except yourself,” There is also this insatiable urge to be kinder to me, to love myself so much more than before and keep the word of God close to me wherever I go. No matter what the world says, passion always matters because it will never leave you stranded nor it will take you for granted. If you find yourself slowly pulling away from it, then suddenly falling off a cliff to rock bottom, take a deep breath and tell yourself that it’s just more of a reason to get back up again. Promise me you’ll never stop climbing.

So, walk together with me, be ambitious ever and take on challenges with our bare hands and naked hearts.

Cheers to a new year!

But there is suffering in life, no one can avoid them. But it’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you’re fighting for. – Paulo Coelho from “By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept”

 

 

 

I took the picture above from a trip to Pasar Baru with my mom. This man, arranging his reading glasses to sell for the day to whom we chatted, was amazingly serene. When he spoke, he was steady and calm and by God, I will always be in love with how we still stand tall through storms of uncertainty. We are so beautiful in the many ways we are broken.